Elaine: Mine are going to look like that pretty soon, I am working my arms.
Me: Really, you just lifting your arms or doing some other stuff too?
Elaine: Just lifting, should I be doing other things?
Me: I don't know hunny (pause), have you seen my arms? I am not sure I am in a place to give advice.
Elaine: (laughs)(nods head in agreement).
1). I thought it was pretty funny.
2). One of the topics I taught in my university classes was that relationships (especially marriages) are not stagnant. They develop and change much like a growing person does. Later I asked myself if Elaine would have laughed and I would have been able to not take offense to her laugh 3 years ago (when Elaine and I just got married) or 6 years ago (when Elaine and I just started dating) . I am not so sure it would have went down the same way. I am suspicious she would have said something like, "No hunny your arms are great." Also, if she hadn't given me some positive feedback, I may have been annoyed about it.
I think this story is a good depiction of how relationships change. I believe (and am backed up by some research) that as you progress through a relationship some of the passion begins to transition into a sense of comfort and contentment with the relationship you have with a significant other. As a result, you understand that even if your partner is not consistently giving you kudos on your physical appearance, you are being complimented in other ways, like knowing what your favorite drink order is a Starbucks or doing their best to be interested in something you are interested in (for women this usually revolves around feigning interest in obscure sports).
This was always a tough topic to explain to 18-22 year old students, because it is something that is hard to experience, but easy to recognize when it happens. It also is a bit scary to think the passion that we all feel when we start dating someone we are into, will eventually be replaced (some more than other) by other feelings. However, I think there is something to be said for this shift in emotions. It is great, comforting, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I hope everyone experiences it someday so they know what I am talking about.
Ok, that is enough of my sappy ramblings. I hope everyone is having a great New Year. I leave you with one of my favorite songs about needing love.
great post! I think we all need to be reminded of that every now & then. I sometimes find myself annoyed with Rick when he does things that he never did at the beginning of our relationship (like continuously thinking farting is hilarious and that I need to praise him for this:) but I forget that I have changed too and am more comfortable as well.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to know that you can be honest and be your true self without fear that person will leave you.
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ReplyDeleteI agree Didde. But, farts are funny.
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